1. All I know is that I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other. 2. I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck 3. I found the vodka. It was hiding in the orange juice. 4. My dignity? Collapsing in on itself like a dying star.
Honestly, I'm a little proud. You'd be less embarrassed if you've heard some of my stories. Which you won't, by the way, unless you ask your grandmother. She gets way too much joy out of embarrassing me.
I mean I've kind of heard about some of your stories. The press loves to talk and speculate about you.
For the record, and not that I expect you'd have a reason to say anything, but I'd appreciate it if this doesn't get back to Mum. She doesn't appreciate my appreciation for Starfleet boys.
They get about half of that right, don't believe everything you see there.
Yeah, that sounds like your mom. Don't worry, kid. Your shameful secrets are safe with me. Although, be careful around those Starfleet boys I have experience with them.
[ being one, dating one... he's done it all, son. ]
1. Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night. 2. I'm experimenting with sincerity. 3. Is the bloody handprint above my bed yours? 4. You left teeth marks on my hip.
[ he's mostly joking, he's also just making sure there's nothing between them. you know, just in case. ]
Then I can't see what about my plan is idiotic. Chekov looks great in a dress and Ms. Rand is excellent at make up. We could send Uhura but I just don't think she's got the Russian accent right.
a. I'm in love. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face. b. These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now c. There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from d. [ text him! ]
Yes. And that you do not recall her name indicates the likelihood of a similar failure.
Dare I inquire as to what you plan entails and pertains to? If it is true that she truly found your plan brilliant, the following assault seem illogical. Is it a human ritual I am unaware of?
a. He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka. I'm worried. b. I just woke up to three dick pics. Why? c. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's mad at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation. d. [ text her! ]
From other personnel aboard the Enterprise? I will have a word with the security team and have another memorandum regarding sexual harassment dispatched.
Are you distressed? If needed, I can excuse myself from the deck for a ten minute interim.
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spacegarbage2018-06-20 01:32 pm
david marcus ( aos au )
1 + 4 lmao sorry david
oh my god
no subject
Oh god, please don't ask her.
no subject
For the record, and not that I expect you'd have a reason to say anything, but I'd appreciate it if this doesn't get back to Mum. She doesn't appreciate my appreciation for Starfleet boys.
no subject
Yeah, that sounds like your mom. Don't worry, kid. Your shameful secrets are safe with me. Although, be careful around those Starfleet boys I have experience with them.
[ being one, dating one... he's done it all, son. ]
cassian andor ( sw )
peter quill | mcu
[or text him, this is just tbh the only tfln i ever need]
no subject
no subject
[feel that emphasis, seriously. dude.]
That's like asking what air is like how are you alive without ever having been in a dance off????
gamora | mcu
2. You're an idiot.
3. Where is he. I have a sword.
2
no subject
[case in point.]
no subject
Sometimes you're hard to read and I wanted to be sure I wasn't missing anything.
no subject
she had little patience for this conversation to begin with, and now, within the past two minutes alone, it's dwindled by at least half.]
You can rest assured that you're not. That won't come up.
no subject
Then I can't see what about my plan is idiotic.
Chekov looks great in a dress and Ms. Rand is excellent at make up.
We could send Uhura but I just don't think she's got the Russian accent right.
no subject
There's plenty. I've heard a lot of idiotic plans, and this one may be one of the worst.
[which is — definitely saying something.]
Have you thought through what happens when they find out who he is? Does he have backup?
no subject
That seems a little a dramatic. It can't be the worst because I've definitely come up with worse plans before.
If they find out.
So negative.
Of course he'll have back-up, I wouldn't send him in alone. I'm his Captain.
jim kirk | star trek aos
b. These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
c. There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
d. [ text him! ]
a
Perhaps the current circumstances are worth reevaluating as your relationship with the last source of these words did not last more than 48 hours.
no subject
About who?
It's real this time, Spock. I swear!
She said my plan was brilliant and she couldn't believe I came up with it and then she punched me.
no subject
Dare I inquire as to what you plan entails and pertains to? If it is true that she truly found your plan brilliant, the following assault seem illogical. Is it a human ritual I am unaware of?
jim, you absolute mess
[ i mean, it probably isn't but it could be!! jim kirk, always lookin' for love in the wrong places. ]
What? No, she was just mad that I was right. But a woman with that kind of passion is hard to find.
And, uh, you probably don't want to know what the plan is about. Just, you know, for liability reasons.
nyota uhura | star trek aos
b. I just woke up to three dick pics. Why?
c. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's mad at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
d. [ text her! ]
b
Are you distressed? If needed, I can excuse myself from the deck for a ten minute interim.
no subject
The pictures weren't from the Enterprise, there's no need for a reminder. Everyone aboard knows better than that.